Zizzi's: Mare E Monti

My Grandad came to visit me the other day, I think it was because I recently graduated from Uni and am now a real-life, grown-up adult man with responsibilities and duties and shit. If this was the case I should think about graduating more often because if I got a pizza like this every time it would be totally worth it. I didn't go to my actual graduation ceremony. I don't really understand why anyone would. I've had this conversation with a few people about my controversial stance on this issue so forgive me if I'm sounding like a grumpy, broken record. Basically if I wanted to pay £100+* to the institution that I'd spent the past three years paying over £10,000 to for about four hours a week of their time, just so I could sit through a three-hour ceremony where I applaud hundreds of people I don't know for getting qualifications that only they, and the forty other job applicants waiting in the company lobby will have, then it would suggest I hadn't been so educated after all.

Do you hate it when people have a rant and then say "rant over" like it's not obvious that it's over because they've stopped ranting? I do. You wouldn't do that for anything else. Like if you said "What do you call a Mexican victim of car theft? Carlos." and then felt you had to say "joke over" just in case people were still waiting for a punchline. But that rant, and this minor rant about rant closure policies are both, mercifully, over. Back to the pizza! (starring Michael J. Fox and Christopher Lloyd.)

Mare E Monti means 'Sea and Mountains', which almost makes sense as this was half courgette and prawns and half spicy sausage. Prawns definitely live in the sea but I'm not so sure about pigs living in mountains, but then you do get goats in mountains so what do I know? Well, when it comes to the average altitude of a pig's natural habitat, apparently not much. To anyone reading this in search of juicy pig trivia I can only apologise and ask that next time, could you perhaps misspell 'pig' three times less drastically. Anyway the pizza was really good, and quite big and had dollops of creme fraiche and I almost couldn't finish it. Obviously I could finish it and did, but it was less of a walkover than usual. Take that, my ever-diminishing chances of a healthy adulthood.

9 out of 10

* Three tickets: £75, hat and gown rental: £30, hotel room for the parents: £50, photo of you dressed like a tit holding a piece of paper: meaningless.

Pizza Express Pollo Ad Astra

I ordered this guy on a Romano base which means it was meant to be bigger but when it came it was on a regular base. Needless to say I was furious. Those Pizza Express guys are lucky I was too hungry to stonebake them alive in their own oven. 

I really like peppadew peppers. You can buy them in a jar and stick them in loads of things. Bolognese, curries, scrambled egg, sandwiches, loads of stuff, but this blog isn't called All Types of Food Ever-Quest so who gives a shit?

Anyway, yeah the pizza was good, and my Dad had taken me out so I didn't have to pay for it which was a bonus but the order mess up is going to cost you a couple of points Pizza Express. I know this kind of internet slam will potentially cost you millions but I'd feel I wasn't doing my job as a pizza critic if I let that kind of slip-up go unpunished. I apologise to the hundreds of faux-Italian waiting staff that will inevitably have to get a job in Zizzi's as a result of the fall out. Please don't wank in my pizza, I know what mozzarella looks like and what it doesn't.

7 out of 10